Oh no! You are going through a divorce. And now it is time for the dreaded custody battle.
You love your children and you want what’s best for them. This is why custody battles are fought so fiercely. This is an upsetting time, and the more help you can get, the better.
Of course, the number one thing you need in a custody battle is a good, qualified lawyer. This can be challenging if you are financially strapped due to the divorce, but try your best. Once you have a lawyer, you will have many things to consider with a custody battle.
A Few Ideas on How to Fight a Custody Battle
These custody battle tips don’t necessarily involve the actual battle in the courtroom. Sometimes the worst parts of custody battles occur outside lawyers’ offices. They can occur on social media or inside the home.
Here are some things to consider when going through a custody battle:
1. Try to Act Like a Boy or Girl Scout
Now is not the time to be posting pictures of your latest bong purchase on Facebook. First, we are not condoning drug use among parents in this article. But you should be aware, even if you are using a drug like marijuana legally, it might not sit too well with a judge. The judge may be biased against people who use marijuana even if they are doing it legally for medical reasons.
This is also not the time to post Instagram photos of you at parties, with a drink on one hand, and a new lover on the other arm.
Be discreet. Anything you share online could potentially be used against you in a court of law.
2. If You are a Man, Be Doubly Prepared
Let’s face it. The reality is that the system still gives precedence to mothers in custody battles, even if the woman is not fit. A custody battle for mothers will simply go better for her side.
If you are a husband fighting your wife to keep the kids, you will need to be doubly prepared. You need to not only have your ducks in a row documentation-wise, you need to be extra alert for tricks played by your spouse.
For example, some men are claiming that it has become a somewhat common practice for women to falsely claim domestic abuse to obtain custody of children. A woman might even hit herself and then call the police to get her husband thrown in jail. This is a very difficult situation you might find yourself in, and in many jurisdictions, the police have no choice but to put you in jail.
You may have some recourse if the “abuse” was only reported after the divorce started.
This is, of course, not to say that men don’t also try to manipulate the system, or falsely accuse their wives, but the current feeling among men’s rights groups is that women still have the upper hand.
3. Try to Find a Reasonable Compromise
It’s time to be brutally honest with yourself. Are you fighting this custody battle because you really believe in your heart of hearts it is the best thing for your kids? Or are you just angry or resentful at your spouse and want to hurt them?
Using your children to hurt your spouse is not only unfair to the former love-of-your-life, it is actually harmful to your children. Your children will sense that they are being used to punish your ex.
Over the years, this push-pull between you and your ex-spouse can cause irreparable emotional harm and possibly even trauma for your children.
Can you find a way to forgive your ex-partner? Is there a way you can share your kids in such a manner that is truly best for them? This ultimately shouldn’t be about you, but what is best for the children. Of course, if your partner has been physically, sexually, or emotionally abusive, that is an entirely different story.
Custody Battles Are Never Fun
Above all, you should use common sense when undergoing a custody battle. During this time, try not to do anything to jeopardize your chances. This includes avoiding speeding tickets.
Get your ducks in a row, and try not to make things worse by making your ex-spouse angry and ready to retaliate against you. As much as possible, consider finding a way to compromise, if not for you, then for the mental and emotional health of your children.